Letting go is hard for parents. It’s especially challenging when your child leaves for military service.
Since his birth, I saw or talked to my son daily. I cared for his needs, protected him, and guided him through life’s ups and downs. When I learned that he joined the Army, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t expect it and I wasn’t ready to let go. The start of our journey had a few rough spots, mostly because of me.
RELATED: WHAT I’VE LEARNED AFTER 18 YEARS OF BEING AN ARMY MOM
I tried to prepare as he left for Basic Combat Training. I’m sure I was annoying at times. I treated him like a baby as he trained to become a warrior and defender of freedom.
I worked on wrapping my mind around his new role. I failed to realize that I had a new role too. When he departed for his first duty station in Germany, the idea of “letting go” was much easier said than done.
In retrospect, I resisted letting go. Think about it: one day our children are a huge part of our daily lives and the next, they’re off on their own.
The secret to letting go
Kindergarten was the first milestone towards independence. I felt the pang of loss the moment he crossed the classroom threshold. My mind was a flurry of worry, always playing out that worst-case scenario.
We experience many “letting go” milestones as our children grow towards adulthood. As my child transformed from civilian to soldier, I needed to experience my own transformation. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by stress, I focused on the fact that I have a life and I needed to live it to the fullest.
RELATED: YOU KNOW YOU’RE A MILITARY MOM WHEN…
Letting go had everything to do with my changing role as a parent and the internal dialog I had with myself. Our children need to learn and thrive in their military life. We help them do that by embracing and moving through these changes.
Faith over fear
My internal dialog was full of fear. Playing out all the “what if” scenarios exhausted me. Trusting my child to make the right decisions in dangerous situations was my first hurdle.
Through lessons learned, my faith helped me overcome my fears. Faith comes in many forms. It can be faith in God and faith in my child’s abilities.
During my son’s first deployment, I held on tight, too terrified to let go. There was nothing I could do to take care of or protect my son. Nor could I spend each day in an emotional heap. What’s a military mom to do?
Let go and let God.
As you both begin this new season of life, learn to place your child in God’s loving hands. Raise your inner strength and resilience to better manage your daily emotions.
Replace fears with God’s peace.
Have faith in your child’s abilities. Over time, I realized that our service members make up the best trained military in the world. My confidence and trust in them gave me strength to stop hanging on so tight.
More faith — and less fear — can help lift the weight of worry.
You have a life
Perhaps one of the most important things to remember is YOU have a life. As your child works diligently on their future with the military, you need to work on yours. There will be many emotional ups and downs along the way, but always remember that you can forge your own life path. You are the only one that can do that for yourself.
It’s not easy when your child is deployed. But, take a breath and let joy into your heart. Let those sad moments be moments and then carry on with all the love and peace you deserve.
I did this for myself and my son. It wasn’t fair for me to burden him with my sadness because he was deployed. I needed to lift myself higher with strength and resilience. You can too!
Create and focus on realistic goals for your life. Every day, do something that is a step towards accomplishing your goals. Progress on things you can achieve will help you move forward.
Letting go is a good thing
Embrace your changing relationship with your child. Life is full of delightful surprises and you can experience an incredible, fulfilling journey. Give yourself permission to be angry or cry but keep moving forward. Set your sights on becoming the best version of yourself. You control your thoughts and emotions. You decide what type of military mom journey you’ll have.
The more you work on flowing through the changes, the easier it becomes to let go of your child to military service. As for me, my military mom journey has been an incredible experience. Even amid the ups and downs, I would do it all over again.
Read more from Sandboxx News:
- Military moms: America’s all too often forgotten heroes
- Defining your identity as a Military Spouse
- What I’ve learned from (two) military marriages that can help you with yours
- Women’s History Month 2021: A Look at Incredible Military Women
- Army Acronyms for Moms: Everything you need to know
Feature image: Army 1st Armored Divison Facebook.
Through the years of parenting I never once thought about the day they would no longer need me or even a day going by that I wouldn’t see them or talk to them. When my oldest son came home from school his senior year and told me that he was joining the army I still never imagined him leaving, He had talked about wanting to join the army since second grade so maybe I just kinda pushed it aside as there’s no way I’ll ever go along time without seeing my son kinda thing. I’m not real sure why I never thought about him going out into the world on his own. I just didn’t. It didn’t hit me until we were actually dropping him off to leave for basic. I don’t think that I’ve ever felt so much emptiness in my chest in my life as I drove away crying my eyes out and also watching him do the same (he’s a mommas boy) i think the only way I got through those months of not seeing him was by convincing myself that he was coming back home and I guess not thinking of him leaving again. I really hope that I don’t sound like a crazy person lol the day my son left a piece of me left I haven’t felt complete since that day and I don’t know if I’ll survive when the time comes for my other two boys to leave home. My son just informed me that he is being sent to Germany for a year and I don’t know how I’ll ever make it through. I don’t know how to let go and it fuckin sucks that you spend 18-19 years with a piece of you going through everything in life together to one day it just being gone. Sorry for the long post and again I’m not crazy I’m just a mother who loves her son!
Haha it would be nice if my ex would’ve signed the papers for family care plan to me instead of her mother , me being the father . I have not signed anything and I’ve been in custody with my daughter for 17 weeks now . With being onto of that my daughter mother doesn’t call and even check up on her . Being a single dad is alot hard then parents in the military, when there is no help from the other parent. What makes it worse is that she is sneaking off base and living a fun single life not being a responsible adult. Gotta love the ways of the irrelevant parents.
Good luck sailor Alynne nguyen
Hope your living your best life without your only child
I am so happy to have found this site. My son leaves December 15th, 2022 for the Navy. He is my only son and I have raised him along with my daughter for the last 19 yrs. I hoped at first it was a phase that he would stop talking about, but then he started working out and losing weight and I knew we were getting serious. My heart breaks at the thought and when he came home from what I thought was only the physical and he had sworn in, I knew it was for real and there was nothing I could do. I can’t do anything anyway, it is HIS life and I know that. I want him to have what he wants out of life and to follow his dreams, I just always thought they would be college and a house down the street where I could see him whenever I wanted. I am glad to know that I am not alone. That there are other moms and dads out there that built their lives around their children and protecting them and we are all in this growth process together. I will cry I know, and I will continue to pray for my son and for all of you and your children and families. God bless our militaries and the people and families that make these sacrifices. Thank you for this web page and for the people sharing your beautiful stories. I know I am not alone, and I am not silly when it feels like my heart is pounding out of my chest from fear of what could happen and excitement of what’s to come in my son’s life all at the same time!
Thank you so much. My son left this morning for Ft Benning in GA for Army Bootcamp. This happened so quickly and I spent most of the past 2 weeks, keeping my distance so he wouldn’t see me break down in tears. What a mistake! I regret not spending more time with him hugging him and just breathing him in. He was going through so much and I totally let him down. I am suffering from guilt, regret and a sheer sense of loss. I know I’m not alone. But I’m still struggling and feel alone. My husband seems to be taking it so well. My son will be home for Xmas but as luck would have it, I will not be around to see him. I made travel plans, totally assuming he would not be leaving until next year and thought I would have more time. I cant cancel them either. I love him so much – and now all I have are my memories and my own sad thoughts. Sigh.
Hi. I’m giving you a virtual hug. As I’m typing this, we are driving home from dropping my son off at AIT. I’m heartbroken. Proud of him but my heart is shattered. I hugged him and loved on him so much but I still feel guilt / grief. I love him so much it hurts. I guess there’s no way around it.
Lots of love to you and your Soldier.
My daughter went for her physical on monday and swore in and her shipping date is 7/24/23. I felt like i could’nt breathe and im losing a piece of my heart . I feel like im grieving a huge loss and she has’nt left yet. her twin sister also signed for the coastguard and wil be leaving around the same time. I feel as if i can’t keep going . My heart is destroyed and i have to stop myself from thinking and crying my eyes out every second. i dont know how I willget through this. Please help I feel like my life is over.
Hi Jessica spend as much time as you can with both of your daughters. My daughter shipped out 3 weeks ago and it’s been the toughest thing I have had to go through since my mom passed away. But, like the articles says have faith and all we can do is set them free and place them in Gods loving hands knowing they will be taken care. They are courages young women and we need to be there for them all the way and very proud of their courage. God bless
Jessica G.My s wet son left yesterday for basic training in Parris island. I built my life around him. He is the greatest treasure God has ever gave me. Even though since he was 4/5 he always wanted to be in the military I was not prepared. I tried to be strong but leaving my baby not seeing him for 90 days worrying what if he needs me what if he had a bad day what if he just need to hear son you can do it I believe in you thinking about not being able to talk to him and ask about his day what he did just a simple I love you more than life itself gives me so much anxiety and feels like my heart is being ripped outta my chest every second is hard. He called me about an hour before he got there on the bus and said he loved me he ate a good dinner at Cracker Barrel that he was excited but the scripted call he was going to call his dad because he could say anything and I appreciated that because I always told him you don’t just hang up on people you could at the very least say good bye. Plus I enjoyed our real conversation yesterday even though it was brief it did my heart good just to hear an I love you momma. We have a Secert code when he or I feel like we need encouragement or missing each other we can will rub the knuckle on our thumb and be reminded in that moment we are always connected and together. I think my skin is peeling off cause I was always rubbing that knuckle yesterday. But found great comfort in it. I would let him clean his room because I wanted to be able to walk in there and look around knowing this is my son this is how he left it with the bed unmade a few towels and socks in his bathroom video games out. I went in ther yesterday and it was nice to see instead of a neatly pictured perfect room that looked like my son was never there. 89 days to go and yesterday I was a complete wreck this morning even though I had very little sleep I feel a bit better and am having an okay moment hopefully as this process goes along there will be more okay moments and they will last longer. To all the moms and dad out there missing their babies I am praying for you along with myself. I’ve done a lot of things hard in my life but letting my baby spread his wings and fly and going threw not talking to him every day and seeing him has to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Just know no one is alone in this. We all are military family and sharing our stories helps thank you all for listening to some of mine.
Hi,
First off, congratulations of on being a Navy Mom. We just found our son is leaving soon for basic. As a Dad, I am an emotional rollercoaster. I am so proud of him but yet, so sad at the same time. Letting go is easier said than done. I’m gonna miss seeing him and spending time with him. Yes , I know he is in transition, but he will always be my boy. Good luck to you and your son! You got this, Mom!!!
Well tomorrow is almost here my son , my baby my last baby is about to go I was trying to be strong and praying asking God please I not want him see me cry or sad , not I’m not want that I want to be happy for his decision to be a warrior, I love him so much and I will take care my self to wait until will see him again I promised him I’m gonna be good healthy and take care my diabetes good , I will pray for him everyday and all the kids going to this new step on they life , with all my love God be with you my son Pierinchi 😘🙏
Hi tomorrow my princess leaves to the navy and I’m overwhelmed with emotions I tried to be strong be o have not yet let go of all my tears I hold back because I want to scream but yet I want to show my support and how proud I am of her she is literally my best friend my person and she is the apple of her dads eyes. We just hope we did enough for her or raised her enough to be strong for this new life she has choose. All I wonder as a mom is how or when does the aching heart start to heal or the “what if” scenarios stop? Your son being your youngest how have you coped with him gone? I have 3 other children but her being my first born my person we have gone through so much together. I don’t know how I can see up apart.
My son decided to go to airborne.
He will be leaving on July 5 the.
I can’t sleep and break in tears every day.
He left my house and went to his dad two years ago and that was very hard on me.
There will be no good byes, no hugs nor phone calls for me…
Unless he opens up his heart to me.
That silence and rejection is the worst thing I ever went through.
I try to be strong and supportive but end of the day I am laying here weeping.
He is going to military for the wrong reasons..and it will be a huge awakening for him. As a mom I want to protect him and love him. But I can’t anymore..
I understand. My daughter left July 5th for the Marines. I got a hug and a good bye, but no phone call. She called my ex husband instead for her first phone call. It broke me. It broke me because he was her friend and I was the one who took care of her. Insurance, braces, new car, etc. I have to tell myself that it was just a phone call to let him know she was there. I just have to get over it.
This exact thing happened to me w my son! Please contact me so we can talk more
I’m so sorry I know what your going i have cried for days my only son leaves for boot camp sept16,2022. Im so hurt and scared for him. I feel like if I would have been a better mother he would do this.
My son ( Dads view) is still at Great Lakes waiting to be posted elsewhere. He’s only 20 but growing up so fast- as I think of the time we had together ( coaching him / walking him from school it went by so fast . ) He’s growing into his own but as a Dad I wish we had more time together-don’t we all . Really miss him already……. He’s my hero and thanked me for the man he is today …. This is hard on Dads too .
Thx just sharing.
Yes. My son told me I do not want to join military. Left my home to live with dad and he was trying to find his way. Ended up going anyway. Did not tell me until a few days before Christmas. I am leaving January 4th. I feel so sad, but I know he will do great things. I pray to God to give me strength and repeat the serenity prayer in my mind.
My son left the 30th of June and from that night up until now it’s really hard for me and his baby brother. My son has never been away from us for long without hearing our voices so I know it is very hard for him just as how it is for me and his baby brother. But I continue to pray for him and ask God to please guide him throughout his training.
Hello,
I too had to come to terms that my son wanted to enlist in the Marines. I was so lost for words and his grandmother was so against it. But I dealt with it because I realized that he has to live his own life and if that’s what he wanted to do I would support his decision. But the worst time for me was when he began boot camp in Paris Island where I couldn’t talk to him for many weeks let alone a letter on Sandboxx. But I had to humble myself and think positively to keep myself from losing my mind with prayer and have faith that God knows best. Trust me I still pray for my son everyday but at the end of the day I truly know he’s ok.
Now I’m one proud Marine Mama💪🏽💪🏽
I’m a father of three of which one Son left June 28th 2021 for the Marine corps training, and my oldest is leaving July 20th 2021 for the Navy. Both of them chose the military for different reasons but good ones all the same. I can’t even do enough to express on how proud I am of them both. The one thing I keep hearing from my own siblings is, it’s going to be great having the children gone and I’ll be able to live again. But that’s the deal, they are my life, everything I’ve done was to protect them, raise them and teach Them. Now when I walk into their empty rooms a flood of emotions and memories hit at once and I know then those little 3-4 year old boys that use to run into my arms and try to see who had the strongest hug are now tall and strong young men starting on their own lives .
Good day Tony My name is David and i totally understand what your going through. I have 4 sons, My oldest passed away from a tragic event, and that was enough of emotions to deal with. Everyone says that once your children leave, you can live your life too. I did not like that answer, loosing one child was super hard and still is. Me and my wife lives was about raising our children, protecting them, worry about them i did not want anything else.My 3rd son graduated high school this year and me and him are very close ,He is a spitting image of me. likes to workout , listens to almost the same kind of music ,dresses alike etc. One day he told me he wanted to join the Army National Guard and i was in total denial ,couldn’t except it. So i had to sign the consent papers since he was only 17 but before that i told him he had other options, but his mind was already made up.His mother and I brought him to drill every month until the day came to ship out. It was June 13, yesterday the birthday of my oldest who is no longer with us. The next day is my wife’s birthday which is today. I just couldn’t hold back the tears all day yesterday, it really was pretty bad when we had to say our goodbyes the whole family just cried even my son who was leaving. It brought those horrible feelings the day we found out about my oldest son.And what i mean was those feelings of emptiness .Everyday i prayed to god to protect my family this is all i have, this is what i live for.
So my son who is going into the Army National Guard has never flown before and on top of this I thought he was going with a bunch of his platoon, Nope that wasn’t the case. He went alone.. I started to freak out, I was a total wreck, helpless that i cant help him get to his destination. But the sergeant came in and explained to my son on what to do. So i told my son to text me to let me know you made it from airport to airport and finally we get a call at about 10pm and he was telling me “Dad i wanted to call you to let you know that we wont be able to talk once i get there. Right now I’m about to board a bus and heading to fort lwood which is in Missouri. and i was relived he made it this far, He also said that they will let us call home just to read a script and hang up but he thought it would be in the morning and it was in the morning around 2 am .When i heard the phone rang i was startled i woke my wife and put him on speaker and yeap he was right .He just read what was in front of him and he hung up. All these emotions i had for the past 2 weeks and still have the frog in my throat etc.. made me realize i can only control what i know can do. I haft to put faith into my son, believing in him, it felt like an angel telling me “Dad i will be okay, I will be back home!” . We shared so many heart felt conversations, we cried together, we worked out together all the things i want to do with all the other boys, I’m sorry this story is kind of long and i cant really type very well at the moment, I’m so tired from all the emotional feelings this past week, We had his graduation party Saturday and his grifriend was there also, They have been dating for a couple of months. So everything came all at once and no room to breath.
I know exactly how you feel. We haft to take care of our selves mentally and physically.. and put trust in god to help us .I haven’t been to church in a long time but i pray everyday before i take my car out of park to drive to work and ask for strength and guidance for my kids and family. I hate change really i do and i know I’m being selfish talking like this and I’m sorry I’m a spoiled dad. The love for my kids is so extreme that my emotions take over me immediately.
So your story you wrote is almost exactly what i was going through. When my kids were 3-4 years old i loved how they screamed running up and down the halls playing with the tool set , cars and plastic guns laughing ,smiling and them running up to you with open arms is so precious.Time flies they get older and we get older and start to feel empty when the house full of love starts to get smaller and smaller.Im with you Tony.. as a father of 4 we haft to stay strong for our families.
From one dad to another I love ya man. Keep loving your kids they you want . I will always be that dad that cries for the love of their children..
My son left on July 12, 2021 to boot camp, 8 days have passed that have been very long and difficult for me, entering his room and seeing his empty bed, his things, I do not stop praying to GOD that take care of him at all times. It is incredible how time passes so soon I have had my baby in my arms and now step by step become a man making difficult decisions and remembering that from the age of 7-8 he said one day to be In the marines, I am very happy and proud of him and I ask GOD that he can fulfill his dream. GOD bless each of our young people and help and protect them at all times.
Hello,
We dropped my son off at the motel June 27th and he flew out That Tuesday after that Sunday, it was an emotional roller coaster for me I couldn’t sleep or eat, never thought my 17 yr old son would had made this choice which was a big surprise for us, we are so happy for him and I did my best to keep myself together.
I seriously miss my son and there is moments till this day I find myself crying and missing him so much. I know he will do great things in the Army and I look so forward to his graduation.
I find myself sitting in his room and just reminiscing all the things he accomplished in school and he is becoming a man and he is that last egg in the nest. I am just hoping it gets easier.
Thank you for listening!
Hey Juanita
I empathize with you. This has been an emotional experience for me as well. I find myself in the wee hours of the morning sitting in my kitchen with the house so quiet, remembering things my daughter did as she was growing up that made me smile and laugh so hard. And still my tears flow.sonetimrs because I’m sad but I soon reized I’m being selfish…my daughter left 6/8/21 and its better than it was however I’ve decided to be the best army mom I can be while giving her the unconditional support as she has grown up into a fine young woman
Just as these young people are learning to be part of a platoon, we are learning to be parents of a soldier..
God bless you and your family
Hello Jennifer,
Thank you for your message do appreciate that, I can say I have support from friends and family, but I do my best not to go to them with my feelings I feel like a big baby.
But I do the same think of all the funny things he would do and puts a smile on my face while still crying. And I really hope I can get better keep myself busy while at home till I return to work in August. But it t is great hearing other families that have there loved ones in the service and know I am not alone in how I feel.
Thank you for your time!
Juanita
I truly understand. My grandson just left for boot camp. This so hard on his parents and close family members. We all want the best for him. But this is so hard.
My grandson left for boot camp a week ago and my heart feels so empty. I think about him every minute of every day and I just hope it gets easier. My husband introduced him to the Navy on our trip to the Fort Monroe Colonies campground and the cruise that us by the naval yards. He was mesmerized!! I pray for him every day and hope this gets easier.
Wow I’m a first time military mom now it’s hard everyday but just listening to you all story it brings inspiration for me and it makes my mind at ease and I’m embracing myself and to work on things that I need to do for myself now so but it was nice to listen to
My son just went to basic in the Navy. Been pretty emotional and hard to let go. His night before he left he was in hotel and had some rough calls home. Just been a whole new experience.
You are not alone..is there anything I can do for you? My daughter is in army basic. In the beginning it was extremely difficult for me, as I only saw my separation anxiety. Then I slowly began to realize she needs my unconditional support as its just as hard on her as it is on me.She is not going into combat after basic as she is a civil engineer. I’m learning each day how to walk in faith and trust that God will be with us as she is making her own way. I’m here if you need to talk. I’ll be happy to listen
Jennifer. Thanks for reaching out. Idk. It’s all new to me. He’s been wanting and talking and I know it’s what he wants but first day way so so hard. Tomorrow, well today is his 18th bday and in basic. Idk just rough. Trying to be strong for him and younger brother. Email is blueline272320@yahoo.com. Ty very much for reaching out
Hi Jennifer,
Please pray for me. I’m having seperation anxiety and I’m unable to focus. I can’t help it I already suffer from anxiety as it is. My son left for the Army is July this year and he was the last one to leave home. Since his sisters left it’s been only me and him for about 15 years. Now I’m alone at home. I knew the day would come when he would leave and knew one day he would join the military but he didn’t give much notice and told me he signed up for 6 years and would be leaving in less than 2 months. I wasn’t expecting that at all and in such short notice. This is so hard for me. Im very happy for him and will continue to support him because I’m so proud of him but at the same time I can’t help but miss him so much. I pray for him and myself because I’m struggling. This is so hard. But I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thanks all for reading my post and sharing yours.
Military GrandMother. My daughter also joined the military. A lot of emotional adjustments.
Hey, you are not alone. I’m here and I’ll do whatever I can to assist/ comfort as we all learn to navigate this part of life’s journey..I believe in my daughter as well as all the others who have chosen this pathway at this moment in time. We all have shared in the emotional adjustments, each in our own way as well as a collective group. Each of us, in turn, has at some point in our lives had that fire in our soul to reach for our calling in life. Mine is nursing, and somehow that drive to help people is what brought my daughter to the army as a civil engineer. Yes, these first few weeks of her in basic have been very emotionally taxing for me. however I’ve made the determination that I will be the best army mom I can be for her as she in turn is doing her best to meet her calling. No one knows what the future holds, so I stand tall and proud of ALL those who choose this as their pathway/ calling. We are each independent and yet part of a collective. Let me know if there is something I can do I’ll be glad to listen if you need to talk
Military GrandMother. My daughter also joined the military. A lot of emotional adjustments.
My grandson left for the Marines on Monday! Adjustments are hard, but we know that our grandkids are bright, smart, and motivated young people fulfilling their dreams. Sending love to you and all the other grandparents out their.
I have been struggling alot coming to grips that my daughter is gone off into the Army. Its so hard but im coming to understand that she has to live her life as well. Read some the stories made me feel better knowing that Im not alone in this and that she will be ok.
My son left for officer candiate school navy In Rhode Island! He’s chosen to be a pilot. He’s already a pilot of single engine. His dream ever since he was a little is to fly in the navy. Covid really pushed thing s. He’s waited and his time to shine is now. He’s worked so hard for this. Im sad cause I miss him but I know this is his dream
God bless you and your words of wisdom. I’ve learned from your kindness and courage to do the same for myself. Surprisingly, quietly, I was already heading in that direction in my own way and just didn’t realize it until now.