If the day has come to drop off your recruit for boot camp, you’re probably wondering how you’ll ever survive without them.
Basic training is tough on couples, but going into it with the right attitude will keep your relationship in a healthy spot from the start. Whether you feel ready or not, preparing your mindset in advance will help you get through this challenging yet exciting time.
Here’s some military relationship advice for couples to survive basic training together:
1. Understand New Beginnings Are Tough
Keep in mind that you’re a team. New beginnings can be emotional, and it’s your job as a team to work through it together. That means supporting one another, even during the trying times. During basic training, your service member will need a lot of support and motivation.
- Do: Look at this as a new opportunity to challenge your relationship.
- Don’t: Try not to view it as a negative experience that will destroy your relationship.
2. Build Your Tribe
Whether you connect with other military girlfriends and boyfriends online or meet in person, find your support system. There are plenty of Facebook groups that offer positive, uplifting encouragement to service members and their loved ones.
- Do: Find other military significant others to chat with, especially ones attached to your loved one’s division or platoon.
- Don’t: Get involved in negative social media groups.
3. Focus on Bettering Yourself
Once boot camp starts, there’s a lot of down time for the one left behind. While your service member fills their time with making beds and working out, take time to discover what you love to do. Take a college class. Go out with friends. Learn a new language. Whatever will make you proud of yourself, do that.
- Do: Work on yourself in any way you see fit.
- Don’t: Let the days drag by because you’re doing nothing but waiting to hear from your loved one.
4. Adjust Expectations
Look at basic training as a new opportunity to challenge your relationship. Most of what you’ve heard about the military probably is true. It’s not for the faint of heart. Don’t expect regular calls or even a ton of letters. Your recruit is whipped and dog-tired — mentally and physically — by the time they can write you. Cut them slack, and remember that you matter to them.
- Do: Be flexible. It makes life so much easier in general!
- Don’t: Get upset if you don’t get as many letters as you’ve sent. Sometimes it’s a choice between sleep or writing. Let them sleep.
5. Be Supportive
When mail call comes around, your recruit wants to feel the love. Give them plenty of reasons to smile with your positive letters. Now is not the time to nag, complain, or gripe — especially about trivial everyday life. Write them often and lift them up.
- Do: Write encouraging letters every chance you get.
- Don’t: Constantly share negative or bad events that happen daily.
6. Keep the End in Mind
This is important for both of you to keep in mind. The first few weeks of basic training are definitely the hardest. Your usual relationship comfort of being able to connect at any time is immediately cut off. Remember graduation day is a few short weeks away — even if it feels like a lifetime. The pride you and your service member feel will no doubt last an actual lifetime.
- Do: Remind your loved one how proud you are of their efforts.
- Don’t: Complain about how long it’s taking to get to graduation day.
Basic Training Doesn’t Last Forever
When you’re in the middle of it, basic training can feel like it never ends. It probably feels that way for your recruit, too, especially when they’re closing in on 200 pushups for the day.
The best military relationship advice is this: You can be just as strong apart as you are together — if you’re willing.
With every day that passes, you’re that much closer to seeing your other half graduate from basic training. The most important aspect to remember is staying busy and supportive will keep your relationship strong and healthy — even from afar.
What concerns do you have about your relationship surviving boot camp? Share your thoughts below!
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My husband leaves for basic in a week and I’m both ready and not ready for it. He’s going reserves so I know the longest we’ll be apart after is only 2 weeks (unless WW3 happens) but it’s still a hard thought. He’s doing it for himself and for us because he’s always wanted to go military, but was discouraged by his parents. No way would I do the same thing. We’re spending as much time together as we can before he leaves.
I’m graduating with a bachelor’s in the winter and possibly moving across the country for a master’s program while he’s gone to seabee training, so it’ll be tough. I’ve moved on my own before, I can do it again! I just know I’ll miss my daily hugs a lot and it’ll be hardest when I’m stressed from the not knowing where I’ll be for the master’s. But we’ll get through it and I am excited to have him come home to a whole new state!
I get the feeling this comment section is just story sharing and I’m glad to have this venting space. We go to the recruiting office tomorrow for the rundown before he leaves and I don’t look forward to seeing all his stuff in boxes by the end of the week. But we’ll get through it together, no matter how far apart we are!
My boyfriend left on the 2nd of August. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with as a adult in a relationship. You worry. I worry everyday. No matter how hard I try. I worry. But when he called a week after and we talked I was so happy for him. He’s always wanted to be in the military. I won’t sit here and act like I don’t get completely upset after not hearing his voice for so long. I do. But it’s definitely part of being with someone who’s in the military. You have to learn to deal with it. Write them a letter. Make it positive but also let them know how you’re doing.
I found myself writing a love letter the first two weeks. Stressing how much I loved him. It’s all I could think of, how much I loved him. How much I missed him. It was crazy but it truly made me feel close to him. It made me realize how much love we have for each other. Even now, talking about it makes me extremely happy to have him.
All of that aside. It’s a complete waiting game, where it will test your relationship and you! I am learning this as I go.
Be sure to stay busy, as this article states. I started a new job and it keeps me very busy. I also have started making small plans with friends! I’ve even thought of a new hobby to keep me busy.
It’s hard but we’ll all definitely make it one way or the other.
Trust the process. Encourage yourself. Be brave!
I went thru bmt a few years ago and just pcs’d to a new state and met someone I truly like and now he just left for bmt 🙁 honestly me waiting for him to be out is harder than when I was actually in bmt lol but I know it’ll go fast. I can’t wait to be able to talk to him again and hear his voice. I’m so so so so proud of him.
My GF left yesterday, Army. We’ve been together for 11 years. We’ve never been apart no more than 4days. We have a dog, she’s so sad. I look around everything reminds me of her. Gotta find things to do to keep myself active. This won’t be easy. If anyone has any tips that can help thanks in advance.
i miss him so much he left two days ago, i just started a new job and i want to tell him how its going. Its really hard to go through this, i love him so much and im really proud of him. Im just so tired of crying all the time. Will it get easier?
my boyf just left today. marines so he will be gone for 13 weeks 😭 but so far i haven’t cried too much about it. while yes i still have cried A LOT, i think it’s upsetting and sad we won’t see our loved ones, but we can still get and send letters to them. and thinking that they’re only gone for a tiny amount of time compared to the future you will have with them is also what makes me smile in the end. but it’s okay to be sad too. you’ve got this
mine is leaving g on tuesday. you are not alone!
My fiancé is doing basic training right now. She left April 7th and I get to see her on September 16 for family day/graduation. She did get an airborne slot and is taking it, she will not be home until around mid October. We’ve been doing amazing with this but saying hi and bye will not be easy for us. I don’t know what to do to make it less painful for us both. It’s only one more month but it just feels like she’s never coming home. I feel horrible for not being able to control my cries on the phone when she told me there’s more time to wait. I readjusted myself and am doing my best to be supportive. I just really miss her and it’s harder now more than ever for some reason. Any suggestions on how to make it less painful for the quick hi and bye??
She’s doing national guard infantry btw and she’s doing so amazing over there. She had made so many friends and is now the student 1st Sargent. I’m so beyond proud of her and I know she’s working so hard every day. I just wish I could hold her in my arms sooner is all. I’ve been keeping busy with a for now job and working on finishing my cosmetology hours. I just feel really alone, all my friends have been really busy and I’m left here all alone. Then I think about how in 2 years she’s going away for 9 months. I can barely do 6.. I will always be here and loyal to her it’s not that at all I just really miss her all the time.
I leave for boot camp in two days and me having to leave my girlfriend is hard. I’m worried that while I’m gone she’s gonna miss having attention and find someone else.
It’s nice to hear that it is difficult on the recruit, too. If your girlfriend is truly committed, you don’t have anything to worry about! I’m sure she has the same worries. My boyfriend just left yesterday. The no contact is extremely hard (harder than I thought it would be tbh), but make sure to reassure your girlfriend that everything will be okay and that you both can get through it together. Good luck to both of you! You got this.
My boyfriend is leaving in a week for quarentine and basic. I am pretty sure we are strong enough to make it through basic but I am worried about after because he has no idea where he is going and we dont know when we will see eachother again. Does anyone have any advice? Also is anyone able to tell me one or more facebook groups I could find to join?
Specificallly into the Navy.
my boyfriend is going to bootcamp in september for the marines and he just keeps telling me that we’ll make it because we have been through worse and i agree. im not sure about your relationship, but you can definitely make it if you love each other and it helps to build a strong bond with his family if possible. for the facebook group, i just searched up “navy support group for family and loved ones” and a bunch of options pop up. i wish you guys both the best !
Just remember it’s a small sacrifice for a big price. Mine comes home in 6 days, and as hard as it felt or unbearable, we made it. Stay busy, spend time with friends and family as much as you can. Be inspirational, supportive and remind him how much you love him in your letters. This will test your love, your patience, and your faith. Just remember he feels the way you feel and everything you feel is valid. You’ve got this girl!
My boyfriend left a few days ago and I was crying for those past days I have stopped crying because I keep telling myself I’m gonna see him again 3 months is nothing I keep reminding myself we can do this I just wish I could tell him he’s got this and I’m curious on what hes doing and how he’s doing I can’t wait too hear all of his story’s I really do miss I do get sad I’m just waiting for his letters so I can begin to write to him and give him the support he needs I can’t wait for his graduation day I’m really proud of him I thought I would be angry but I’m actually not I just wish I can see him
Rachel Cummings says
I am leaving next sunday for Basic, so May 24th, and will be gone 66 days. My boyfriend is very supportive and loves me for my decision but thinks it will be hard on our relationship but i keep telling him we will make it through this and become even stronger as a couple.
My boyfriend is leaving in two weeks for basic… he will be gone for two and a half months and doesn’t want me to write to him so the letters don’t get lot— so zero communication. The relationship is still new but has been very open and honest and I am really scared to loose something so good-something that honestly couldn’t be more perfect. I will admit I have been letting my insecurities make me selfish and feel that I have been worried more about losing him myself more than anything. He is scared of going to basic and I just feel guilty I am scared too. I just can’t shake this feeling.
Saajan Patel says
my girlfriend left for basic in the army national guard april 21st and is not coming home until the end of June as of now. I miss her so much and she has not gotten a single letter of mine yet. I have been sending every letter to her return address. She left me a voice mail crying thinking I do not care about her. She feels that I am having a blast with out her. In reality my depression and anxiety is at an all time high. My insecurity’s are starting to take over and I pray every day she is okay and understanding of the situation. I have left her numerous voicemails and texts and am upping my letters to two a day praying she knows I’m with her still. Does anyone else having issues reaching there significant other? Any Suggestions on how to get ahold of them. I have exhausted everything that I can think of. Even reached out to her brother to spread the word I am here for her and want her to be safe and strong.
Saajan Patel says
Her Name is Liana Perez.
Co B 3/34th in regt 165th in BDE.
if anyone knows some one in the same group please reach out to let her know I love her and miss her very much.
Were you able to contact her??? My boyfriend wrote me twice. The first 2 weeks I have yet to hear from him again it’s been 5 weeks already. I’m afraid he hasn’t received any of mine either 😢
My boyfriend is leaving in two weeks for basic… he will be gone for two and a half months and doesn’t want me to write to him so letters don’t get lot— so zero communication. The relationship is still new but has been very open and honest and I am really scared to loose something so good-something that honestly couldn’t be more perfect. I will admit I have been letting my insecurities make me selfish and feel that I have been worried more about losing him myself more than anything. He is scared of going to basic and I just feel guilty I am scared too. I just can’t shake this feeling.
Ari Yohannes says
My boyfriend just enlisted and is leaving soon for 34 weeks of basics, airborne and training. He’s also doing a couple years of active duty. We talk and see each other a lot so cutting off communication so radically is really scary for me. I’m also worried he’ll get hurt, or something will happen to him. Honestly I’m just overall really sad and don’t get me wrong I’m so proud and happy for him to be serving and doing this, I’m just upset he has to leave especially to do something so dangerous.
Gabrielle Alvani says
Hey there! My boyfriend enlisted in October 2020, and is coming up on fully graduating on April 8th, 2021 after 24 weeks of basics and training. I definitely have worried a lot about communication and his well being, but just know that he will be ok and always update if anything bad or emergencies happen. The time really does go by quick I promise.
I’m an 18 y/o girl, freshman in college. Leaving for basic in May but I’ll be gone until Dec. my boyfriend is wonderful and he’s been through basic years ago, he wants to take a break during basic and pick up where we left off when I get back. I don’t want to take a break but I don’t want him to resent me for being gone 6mo with little communication. Any advice on how to talk about what we should do? I want him to be happy. It would be selfish of me to expect him to wait but I love him and I don’t think this has to end our relationship. Thank you
you need to have a conversation about this with him. If he truly cares for you he will understand that you do not want to take a break. going through something like this will either break ur relationship or make it stronger but taking a break will not help as it would most likely result in you feeling alone during the time apart and you will end up resenting him and he should take that into consideration.
That most definitely is not selfish, you two are in a relationship… if he cannot wait for you, there is no point in starting back where you “left off”. You need to tell him you are not comfortable with that if you aren’t.
My husband just left yesterday to go to The navy, and he is currently in quarantine. I heard that the CDC changed the quarantine to 7 instead of 14, but I’m honestly not sure if it will change for basic. I miss him a lot, and I am honestly just hoping and praying that we will get his address so I can send him letters.
Bonny Foley says
It’s been a month since my husband left for Navy bootcamp. But I haven’t received the box with his personal belongings neither received the form letter with address. Can someone please have anything to say about this? I
My fiance left almost a month ago for basic training as well. I thought we were suppose to be sent there belongings to. I think maybe because of covid things are a little different than before?.
Marguerite Sawicki says
My son in law has been in boot camp since Sept 1st. She has only received one letter and one 3 minute call. It is frustrating not knowing if they are getting our letters. Im sure they are crazy busy and very tired at the end of the day.