You probably wouldn’t think that an elite, forward-thinking organization like the Delta Force would be prone to any foolishness, and yet, being composed of human beings, it is not immune to the inevitable occasional tomfoolery.
In the never-ending push to remain cutting-edge, the Unit commander was always open to suggestions on how to enhance the performance of his operators.
I’m put in mind of a particularly bizarre occasion when the boss was sold on a new idea that he mandated down to the men of the squadrons. He directed that a number of men should engage in a six-week-long test using a pair of bracelets that involved such sorcery as the harmonious alignment of water molecules in the body in a way that (somehow supposedly) made the body generate more strength.
It all sounded good to me until I received the execution details of the boss’s new program: The men were to wear a band on each wrist for the duration of the six weeks, and there was to be a strength test once a week to monitor potential ongoing gains in strength.
For me, the concept took a turn to the south end of sensibility. It made me wonder just how attractive the had-to-have-been-female salesperson who sold the commander on such witchcraft was.
I was the Team Leader of the Bravo Assault Team at the time, so the task came down to me to select one member of the team to wear the wristbands and submit to the strength test.
I took it hard. Guy Cutino (KIA) took it even harder when I picked him to be the test subject.
He complained immediately and loudly. I didn’t blame him. In an attempt to reconcile, I told Guy that I would take the strength tests with him.
The test was a simple and to-the-point display of strength: climbing a 60-foot rope that we had suspended in our gymnasium.
Guy and I climbed the rope a couple of times each and were done with it. I climbed the rope almost every day at least once as part of my routine fitness program. Guy only climbed it whenever it was included in a strength event or was part of a mission execution.
Guy was issued his molecule-enticing bracelets. They were about three inches wide, light green, and made of a gently elastic material that made them comfortable to wear and easy to slip on – yet they didn’t slip off.
“Do I get a headband and G-string along with these?” Guy smirked.
“Very funny, funny man… apparently they enhance your sense of humor too!” I retorted.
Guy wore the bracelets daily, hardly ever even noticing he had them on. On the rare occasion that they slipped his mind, I had to kindly remind him, a thing that he detested.
Other men around the Unit could also be seen sporting their own bracelets, which were quickly awarded the name “Wonder Woman Bracelets.”
There was a modicum of celebrity that came along with wearing them. Everyone asked their wearers the same question: “Are you noticing any improvements?”
Related: When Delta Force torched down the neighborhood
Inevitably, the wonder of the bracelets became too much for Crapshoot, our team breacher, who ultimately just had to inquire one day:
“So, Guido… do you wear those bracelets to bed with you at night… I mean, you know… to bed… with your wife and all?”
That was clearly out of line, if I do say so myself, though Guido handled it like a pro: “Not with my wife, no… but I wear them to bed with your mother, Spanky!”
And so it went.
The weeks came and went, and in the end Guido and I showed up at the gym for our final rope-climbing test.
We each executed exactly two climbs, the same number as the first time we did the strength test. Nothing had improved – our strength was the same.
As expected, the bracelets didn’t improve other aspects of combat either: shooting was as accurate as before; endurance was unimproved; and all basic assault skills remained the same as before.
“Well, a fine thing…” Guy concluded. “I hope the Old Man is enjoying his fling with that bracelet saleswoman –that would be at least one person who enjoyed some kind of benefit from those trinkets.”
And yet it happened!
By Almighty God and with Honor,
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Feature Image: U.S. Marines with Marine Fighter Attack Squadron 533, Marine Aircraft Group 31, 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing, conduct rope climbing during Warrior’s Night at Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, South Carolina, March 21, 2024. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Delilah M. Romayor)
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