The Equality of men in Special Forces (and crashing cars in Panama)

“We all put our pants on one leg at a time.” 

Or if you prefer the army’s version of that aphorism: “If there is a man here now who can shit with his pants on, let him stand and show it.” 

What in the name of theology does it all mean?? 

It is amazing to me how a saying can change and take on new meaning over time and distance. It is not at all absurd to believe that the shitting of the pants came from the saying about putting pants on one leg at a time. They both deal with the equality of man, though in a monumentally different way verbally. 

The equality of men in the army: We all lived in barracks made of wood frame, brick and mortar, have our hair cut the same way, wear the same uniform and put those uniformed trousers on one leg at a time. I always awarded a chuckle to the guys who would pine away about the houses they lived in prior to the army with swimming pools and lush gardens and top-of-the-line cars and the like. Well, they didn’t do much with living in the opulent realm. Had they, they might no be stuck in the army jonesing for the good life. 

The wealth of a man is a direct output of how he spends his time.  

We had such a man in the Unit (Editor’s Note: “The Unit” is a common name for the U.S. Army’s legendary Delta Force) who boasted the good life he grew up in and how much better he was at all of the basic Delta combat skills. 

The trouble was, he actually could out-perform most of us most of the time. He really needed someone or something to knock him down a few pegs until he was with the rest of us in the Unit.  

Turns out that place was Panama. 

There, Brian rented a car and immediately began to show off with J-turns and pit maneuvers. The trouble was, it was a gravel surface and you cannot do those moves on gravel lest your tires dig in and flip your car. That is what happened to Brian — he flipped his car in the gravel. All-in-all it cost $8,000, which the squadron had to pay. We all felt the cutback in training funds for a while to come after that incident. 

It had finally happened: Brian learned how to shit with his pant on that day, and he stood and showed it to us all. 

By Almighty God and with honor, 

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Feature photo courtesy of the U.S. Air Force

George Hand’s “Brothers of the Cloth” is a memoir recounting his days serving in the Army’s most elite special operations unit, commonly known as Delta Force. It’s available for pre-order now.