Teachable moments for well-meaning family and friends

As military moms, we’ve all heard comments and questions from well-intentioned family and friends that didn’t seem well-intentioned at all.

You likely heard the comment, “how could you let your child join the military?”

If your child is deployed to a combat zone and you’re terrified beyond belief for their safety, the comment, “he’ll be OK” seems like making light of a serious situation

It’s easy to get mad and want to lash out at people who say such silly things at a time when you’re so vulnerable.

Have you ever felt that frustration with other people?

I know I did. And I have to tell you, feeling mad at people made me take a hard look at myself. Who was I becoming that I would allow anger to well up inside me because someone asked a question that I personally felt was hurtful, but it wasn’t intended that way?

Ephesians 4:32 teaches us: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I want to share one of the most important lessons I learned about letting kindness shine through instead of being furious about questions that hurt instead of help.

Be an example to others

Military families — U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Karoline Gross and husband Sgt. Michael Gross, from St. Paul, Minn., meet with 1st Lt. Karly M. Mangen, from Chicago Lakes, Minn., at Camp As Sayliyah in Qatar on Feb 21. The married Soldiers were enjoying a four-day pass from military commitments in Kuwait. Mangen is the officer in charge of the U.S. Central Command rest and recuperation pass program at the U.S. installation in Qatar, an emirate located off the eastern coast of Saudi Arabia. (Photo by Dustin Senger)

As a military mom, I want to be a good example to others, in the same way that my son is a good example as a defender of freedom for our great country. Regardless of what questions people ask, I strive to be kind and gracious to others.

Imagine if my son knew the ugly feelings I was harboring toward others who made insensitive comments. I’m certain he would not like my behavior.

In a world filled with hatred and anger, I don’t need to be a contributor. Instead, I can be an educator and a person who understands the pain of others.

I used to compare the mom whose heart was missing her child away at college to my own child fighting a war on the other side of the world, thinking she had no right to have an aching heart.

I was wrong! No matter where our children are or what they are doing, any mother’s heart will ache and her pain is not less than mine regardless of where her child is. Lesson learned.

We are not in the business of comparing pain and suffering, it’s all relative. Instead, let others see your kindness, strength, and understanding.

William Penn said it best: “I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”

US soldiers in Iraq — Pfc. Andre Toves and his cousin Spc. Rufo Lujan-Espinosa, pal around at Forward Operating Base Mahmudiyah, Iraq on Dec. 17. Both are Soldiers from the 1st Battalion, 63rd Combined Arms Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division, Multi-National Division- Baghdad. (DVIDS)

I love when people ask me questions or make insensitive comments. It’s a chance for me to educate them about what’s happening in the world, the importance of our military, and my son’s job.

It’s a chance to spread awareness about the military community and help others to understand it better.

For that, I am so thankful!

People are usually fascinated when I tell them about my child’s military service and the job he does. His job is far from ordinary and people tend to take an interest in it. They start asking thoughtful questions while getting a glimpse into another slice of life.

And when others ask “do you ever get to see your child?”, I answer confidently: “Why yes, so glad you asked. I’ve traveled to foreign countries and multiple states to visit my son. We always have a grand adventure together!”

“Be All You Can Be” was the Army’s slogan for 21 years. It inspired a nation of young people to become their best by entering into military service.

As an Army mom, I will continue to “be all I can be.” Let’s be a shining example to others through kindness and grace, and be our best!

Feature Image: Lt. Gen. Jody Daniels, chief of Army Reserve and commanding general, U.S. Army Reserve Command, jokes with Army Reserve Soldiers during Exercise Global Medic at Fort Hunter Liggett on June 15, 2021. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Felix R. Fimbres)